Author: AnandPatel

After an unsuccessful meeting with a one-sided love with Alizeh, Ayan is crying his heart out & then at the moment he meets, Saba, a widowed woman. Soon, after this, they fall in love & Ayan moved on from his previous relationship, or this is how he thought. Eventually moving back to his previous relationship, during the course of time. This is a scene from a popular movie in India. I also felt the same during one of my visits, but major ingredients missing like a good looking widowed woman & me being, extremely handsome.

Love is the most painful of the emotions among the all that we experience. But still we fancy being in love. The reason for that is the feeling that compliments love. Love will make you complete, happy, out of this world & every other emotion that is written, shown & explained in books, movies & poetry. It really does bring the best out of you. But, falling in love comes with sacrifices & compromises which anyone hardly takes into the account, but this is for later.

Coming from a middle-class background & with an inbuilt ambition to achieve something great in life. It is always difficult to balance things & also which part is important in life & which is not. Love is in a grey area for me. I want to have it, but I don’t want to have it also. But, teenage is a place where the blood is boiling hard & you don’t want to listen to anyone’s thoughts. In the midst of uncertainty, I jumped in the boat of love. To start with, the girl used to stay in a different city from where I stayed. So, it was going to be a long-distance for the longest time possible. But, who thinks like this, once in love, you can climb mountains, move air & can do all kinds of superhero stuff.

But, falling in love is not a hard thing to do, staying in love is tough. As love is not one-way street, it requires efforts from both individuals. Having a long-distance is tough. But, the tougher is the time to plan meetings. Now, people will say, what is so difficult in planning a meeting. So, the crux is, it is if the other person behaves as per her comfort. A year consists of 12 months, 365 days; eventually. Ideally, people plan a meeting each month. But, in my case, I restricted meeting to once in a quarter. But, the funny part is whenever I planned for a meeting, it was ruined by some factor or the other & my success rate of the meeting was around 20 to 25% of all the planned meetings. I was loyal, caring, attentive in the relationship; so why God didn’t allow me smooth sailing. For once it is ok, but canceling of plans consecutively for 3 or 4 times, rips your heart apart & you start wondering what have you done that you have been treated in such a way.

Here are the few of many times, I have been ditched at the last moment.

At one time, I booked tickets good 2 months before my traveling date. I informed her, that I will be there on that particular date & guess what, she got typhoid that week & I had to cancel my tickets at the last moment. This was among the first, last moment ditches I received.

Another time, like the previous time I booked the tickets in advance & informed her I will be there. But, as usual, God lightning struck again. This time her parents planned to visit out of India during those days. I used to wonder how come there is always something or the other to ruin my plans. How rare are the chances that people make plans on the same dates from the whole year? Is it some time coincidence or something else. But, I tried to get this over my head thinking it may be some coincidence or maybe pure bad luck.

So, like a warrior, I tried again, this time I booked my tickets a week before the meeting. Thinking all is planned & now no more rejections. But, every time I feel I am acting smartly I am beaten more badly. This time just before boarding my flight. I got a call & the voice from the other side said, “I am having anxiety attacks, don’t come.” I had packed my stuff & was about to leave & then this came. It was shattering to hear that sentence. So, again I looked to the sky & wondered, if is it for real or I am being dumb, or is it you playing all these games. What have I done that I have to be treated like this?

This was not all, there were many instances where I felt helpless & vulnerable & questioned myself for being in a relationship. Why is it so hard to get the same respect that you offer to someone else. But, this is how life is; it is not meant to be fair. For some, it will be a smooth ride & for some, it will be walking on thick muddy sand with kgs of weight tied to your ankle (tough & bruising). At this point, when you are lost in life, you hope for some help or some miracle. This is the point, where you can do anything to get help from God.

This was not all, there were many instances where I felt helpless & vulnerable & questioned myself for being in a relationship. Why is it so hard to get the same respect that you offer to someone else. But, this is how life is; it is not meant to be fair. For some, it will be a smooth ride & for some, it will be walking on thick muddy sand with kgs of weight tied to your ankle (tough & bruising). At this point, when you are lost in life, you hope for some help or some miracle. This is the point, where you can do anything to get help from God.

So, why one keeps on trying in love even after falling for an infinite number of times. The reason is within us, love gives us joy & the way we react is the main reason why we want to be in love. Anyway, after experiencing numerous failures, I prayed to God for something better or maybe to pull me out of this rug. It is situations of difficulty which bends you towards God. A supreme power which is meant to help you or so the world say. So, with tears in the eye & all hope lost I prayed to God for some opening or some bright light. As it must have happened with so many of you. I heard nothing. Absolute nothing.

Anyone who feels that God is there should talk to people who have fought through depression or are depressed. You want to hold on to that single thread of hope, but it is not so easy to overcome such dreaded position. Even after failing miserably previous times you wish to find the one & in today’s world, finding the one is as simple as swiping right. But, I must have been something else, as I hardly matched with anyone. The place where everyone is getting is something I am left stranded alone. Is it me who is the problem or there is something else.

When nothing is going well in life, your love life is next to null there is not much to hope for & I wonder if he is even there or it’s just creativity of our mind. You pleaded, shown aggression, done all sorts of a tantrum, but in reply, you only get a thunderous NO. It is tough to see why your voice is not being heard..

Sitting dejected around the corner you see a couple holding the hands & exchanging cute gestures & in that moment you wonder what had hit you so hard in your love life that you are deprived of all the lovy dovy things & suddenly a eureka struck my mind. That it is there & you have to find it. You have indeed failed zillion times, done & dusted another millions of times; still, there is hope. Some people have done the unexpected in love, people have traveled oceans to make someone special. Maybe it is not in your life but it is there. There is some power which gives you the strength to cross all the borders, limitations & give you the power to think impossible. This little sentence is enough to confirm there is some power entity above you. Not everyone is made equal & everyone receives the same love & affection. But, the hope that you can also get it is the biggest gift humans can ask for. This HOPE of finding something better, who values you & your thoughts is an undying one & this is where God lies. Nobody will be alive forever, but hope will travel far from your vision & this hope is where God stays that even after losing for zillions time you wait for that one victory.

Check out the previous version here. Where Is God – Part I

I am a middle-aged man working in a reputed firm. However, I don’t see a life working in a 9 to 5 job & dragging myself to the weekend party burst. So, I started a side hustle to reinvent myself. To see if I can make a dent, not in the universe but at least in a few people’s lives. I wanted my side hustle to become big & be a role model for others. So, I started it (a travel blog) without giving it another thought (Remember always start once you are in the urge of doing, it will be valuable in the future, irrespective of the audience feedback; if you wait even for 10 seconds there are high chances that you will not do that thing again ever). I started writing dedicatedly for many years & I won’t say that I only did it without looking towards the monetary side of the project but for my passion. But, I knew it will take time to get the desired results & this is the funny thing about starting something by yourself, you will have to put efforts, time & resources to the uncertain results & irony is, results are the ones which don’t allow us to take steps in the first place. This vicious cycle of putting results over processes is ruining our mindset. This was few years back.

I started my side hustle with much enthusiasm & overlooked all the distractions that can derail me from reaching my goals. I kept on working on it, with an intent to change something, either in my life or somebody else’s. It is a miracle for a person not as talented as other counterparts in school, college or in corporate but is brave enough to try something new or at least has the vision to do something remarkable (It is important to visualize goal & then work towards it). Few years hence, I am still writing with the same energy but with a minor doubt peeling inside my head. A thought, Is it worth it? Is it worth trying things whose results are uncertain? Sacrificing little pleasures of life to work on it? Is it worth the pain? All these questions arise in mind when the results are according to your liking.

After fighting numerous wars inside my head, about my side hustle & many times, I wanted to quit, but somehow I kept my nerves. When you have done everything in your capacity there is the only way, UP & literary this is the time when we look toward God. A supreme force to help you or to give you some signal whether to continue or not. Here is a twist though, people say if you ask something from the bottom of your heart it shall be fulfilled. I tried the same that too in many ways. I tried challenging God, begging God, avoiding God, admiring God, just to get the desired results. But every time I did, things got worse. So after rejecting several times, a question arised, is God really there or some people are luckier than others?

I mean if you are asking for something from God & it is still far from your reach, then why people feel that God is there. Days after days, I prayed to God for positive results but never succeeded in getting one. The funny thing is when the person starts losing, the confidence drops, & you start to question the steps you took to reach this point. So, every day I went to my bed, feeling dejected, lost & uncertain about the future & thinking of how I will survive tomorrow. It is one thing to say, time will fly & parallel universe to live it.

It is hard to fight this sinking feeling considering how much hard work & sweat has been put in building this. And over that, you have to fight new problems daily, which may or may not be related to your work. It can be anything that occupies your mind from thinking clearly. It is like a domino effect; if one piece falls others follows the suit & one everything falls apart. Once things fall, one looks for the supreme force to help them in their dreaded situation.

Even in the dreaded situations, one tries to motivate him or herself. So during one of those days when the battle is already lost. I was reading books, & while reading one of the books I came across, a line where the author of books asked various CEO’s that how come they are successful, & rest are not. Then, he said the only difference is I didn’t quit. This seems to be a very simple sentence, but it holds the lesson for life, that you should not quit. I was wondering how I came across this line when I was going through a rough patch. Maybe there is someone beyond our sense who keeps you upbeat. This is not the first time, that something like this happened to me. Every now & then, I came across some line, song or quote which motivate me for the next day. Incidents of finding something randomly which motivates you is an act of something. After failing numerous times, how come I stand up to fight again the next day. Then like a eureka moment, a thought crossed my mind. God doesn’t lie in giving you output, but it lies in motivating you to fight once again. Failure is inevitable, but how you fight it & prepare for the next battle is where the God is. And this is mentioned in Indian mythology as well, one can only do work but should not crave for results, as results are not in your hand. God is not present when you get the desired results. God is present when you are done & dusted, failed, miserable, out of thoughts, but still dress up & show the fight, because of a little voice inside your head, telling you to fight for one more time. A little voice, which still believes today you will win & beat the odds. A voice which says, ONE MORE TIME.

So, everytime you will lose, just say to your self. Let’s try ONE MORE TIME.

So often it happens that we think something & keep on thinking about it. Rather than doing something about it we are wondering in our thoughts. People know this by the word of “Procrastination”; which means that our monkey mind just wanders here & there & opt not to focus on the goals we set for ourselves. Our minds are trained to focus on the end game & the pleasure it will give us. We are blindfolded to the process & our only focus is to win. As our main motive is to win, we align our behavior accordingly. One’s effort is determined by results.

This is how we are taught, that every effort should bear fruits. But, we forget a simple fact, that results are not in our hands. We can only perform an activity to the best of our ability & if we do things based on our love for that activity, then results will merely be a formality & the moment we start cherishing the efforts we will change the concept of winning & losing. This small point is a big differentiator between average workers & geniuses. Average workers align work with respect to the results while geniuses just work to make it better or for the love that they hold for that activity.

Once results become irrelevant in the game it takes away a lot of players with it; as most of us are looking for validation; validation from the people who matter little to use. Validation from some neighbor who has yet to figure out his or her own life & validation from ourselves that we are not losers. Most people don’t try stuff, as they fear they will be perceived as a loser for not achieving goals.

Fear is the greatest obstacle in our lives. Fear is good if one knows how to construct it & but most of us rather than embracing the uncertainty, we are engulfed in it. But, here is a thing if we do work for the love of if the fear vanishes. Work makes us comfortable & prone to new challenges; as our mindset is continuously thinking about the work & not the result.

Our minds are tuned in such a way, that it wants to hold on to the negative part as much as Romeo wanted Juliet. The moment our mind stop thinking about the love of the work, it went back to all the negative thoughts, like what is the use, what if the results is not in our favor, & many more. But, if we are able to rub off these initial obstacles we can achieve our goals.

Confidence is one trait everyone talks about. This can also be developed by working. Work on your craft & polish it. The more you work the more confident you get & with the confidence you can move mountains. Thus, it is said amazing things happen once you start working. This is the single, most important piece of advice; that you can gain confidence by working which will eventually help you win.

Work is the single most important work to achieve something. Success is not guaranteed if you work, but there are 100 % chances that you will not succeed if you don’t work. So work should be on the top of your list.

You only have to take one step at a time & with step by step, you can walk a marathon. But, rather than focussing on the path we focus on the end. For once, we should embrace the path without thinking about the destination; we should embrace the loss & should treat it as a learning, that we lost because we were not good enough. But, with hard work, focus & some shift in the mindset we can win. A loss can not make you a loser, but the attitude of not trying again after losing makes you a loser. So, change your mindset about things, so that you can change the outcomes. Who knows you are among the few who actually change something & even if you don’t it doesn’t matter, because you will be happy with yourself which is the most important part of your life. Being content & happy not because of the result but because of the path. However, this doesn’t mean we should not have destinations. Fixing a destination is as important as anything else in the life. It helps to determine in which direction you need to go.

Happiness is among the few goals that one is thriving for. Happiness can be internal & external as well. But, why happiness is such a defining factor that every single human being on this planet is looking to find one. Happiness has many advantages apart from the most evident ones like being healthy, energetic, full of life & hopeful. However, on the other hand, life without happiness leads you to be miserable. We have created this life & still, we are unable to figure out why we can’t stay happy or be in a happy state most of the time. Is it really tough to stay happy in the life that we are only creating?

Have you ever seen a kid? They are innocent, happy & full of life but somehow we lose the same enthusiasm while growing up. So, what drastically happens during our way to growing up? The answer lies in the growing up only. As we grow up we are more aware of our surroundings & get much more influenced by it. So, our greed & need rises drastically while growing up. The need & greed of our daily lives cannot be matched with our living standards (if we don’t count people born with a silver spoon) & if the needs are not met then we are disappointed & unhappy with our lives. According to me, this is one of the topmost factors in making us miserable. Kids are new to this world & still not corrupted by the thoughts of owning things & wanting for more. They are satisfied with what they have in hand & enjoy it to the fullest. They are not aware if there is something more to life if not this. This is probably the reason why kids are happier & full of life.

If there is nothing to compare yourself to then there is no need to worry about ourselves & if there are no worries, we will live more content lives. Our worries rob us of our true selves & moments. The secret of staying happy lies at this very point of being blind & dumb to the outer world. If we want to be happy we have to adjust to the situation & stop looking for more than the available. If we will continue to look for the future we will always be living for the future & will miss the most amazing time i.e present time. It is tough to follow this advice of living in the moment. As our mind is constantly running for things beyond our reach. As Buddha said, “Control your mind or your mind will control you.” It is difficult to control our monkey mind. But, it is possible to control it. This can be done through practice. Any habit can be formed within months but for that, you need to be strong-headed.

To practice fullness you will have to fall back on your kid’s mind. The mind is unadulterated with the modern life thesis where everything is running & a race. A kid’s mind sees the object as it is without judging, without thinking about the recursions but just enjoying the present moment. Thus, it is blissful to see kids play because we want to reach that stage but we are stuck at the modern warfare of rat race. Being an adult we will have to realize that this life is for us, for creating ourselves rather than crawling our lives to the death bed. Who knows will we ever be able to born again on this planet. We only have a few years in our lives, 100 years if one is lucky enough. But, if you will analyze we only have 2 or 3 decades when we are at our peak. We are mentally, physically, emotionally fit & still, we are sad. This sadness is due to our uncontrolled mind which is constantly showing us the lives of others which we feel is better, happier & fulfilling but we forget to count our blessings.

Anyone can be happy you just need to follow few steps. There are many steps suggested by experts in this field; I will recommend you to watch the ted talk of Shaw Achor. Also, one more thing that has worked for me is visualization & writing down. Write down good things about your self no matter how minute it seems, write it down & say it every morning after waking up. After waking up say your blessings loud & thank god for giving you one life. Keep doing this for some time & the results can be seen & you will be much more energetic & full of life.

I hope this article will help you clear some of your thoughts of your cluttered mind. One only needs to win over his mind & rest things will fall in the place automatically. Also, if you are a book person & looking to read something about happiness click here to know more.